The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. But biology puts the woman in the drivers seat once conception results. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. I get what youre saying. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. Its one thing that he says he will pay for it (Im assuming this means child support), but a true father doesnt just look at this as a once a month payment for 18 years. reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): A Image Source. Nothing more, nothing less. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. And, you are not the choice. At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. You dont want his problems. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A Not with hormonal BC, not with 2 methods of BC, not when one of the individuals has been sterilized. I always try to take what the LW says at face value though, and a lot of times I turn out to be very wrong when the updates come around, but I still always think its better to react to what they said not what I think they said. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. Placement deals with where they are physically. 6napkinburger I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. There were no hard feelings). Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. First things first, get yourself to a doctor or Planned Parenthood or somewhere like that and get tested for STDS! Just sayin. 1. the baby is not your fault. oy. These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. The point is, theres a baby on the way who needs a daddy. How long his new relationship has lasted. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. Step away slowly. LW, you need to take time to look at what you want in your life. He had a FWB relationship with a girl and always used condoms. troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. Everyone is pretty much in agreement there. It's like she's a completely different person. female I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. But thats a crime?. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. reader, Junebug2589+, writes (22 November 2008): A Does that make him an asshole? Go argue with the feminists. There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. Your boyfriend is 40 effing years old. Whats the matter? What exactly would your perfect laws look like in regard to custody and child support anyway? It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. He might very well be an immature asshole. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. . And sorry if this is harsh, but JESUS, I cant even be nice about this one. 5. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. They Didn't "Win". However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. religiously wear condoms. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! You mean, he should decide whether or not he leaves a kid constantly yearning for attention theyll never get? Its not the situation, but the way its written. caitie_didnt Just keep right on thinking about yourselves as so many of you seem so want to do. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . April 9, 2012, 1:15 pm. Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? And its not because either sex is evil or worse than the other. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. All I can say is therapy. We started dateing again and have been for about 3 months and we have plans to save money and get an apartment. Maam, hes made a choice. And why do you think shes trying to trap him? Um, yeah. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. So this guy sleeps with the first gal that catches his attention, but he only has eyes for you? While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. That is how we got our first kid. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. And yet men still keep having sex with us. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood.. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Theyve both made their choice. And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. She loved him back then but broke up with him over this but went back to him 20 years later thinking he grew up.2016. TheQuietOne Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. Fix Your Communication Problem. just my opinion. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. Your biological child. honeybeenicki . She didnt roofie him, Chuck. So the man in there He should probably act responsibly too. Addie Pray A What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. Cried my eyeballs out evry nite. Oh, really? He is not the end all and be all. Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. He isnt what is best for you. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. Oh, and I dont hate women who get child support. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. Well, ok. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Of. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. Shutterstock. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. . Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. It doesnt make sense. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. Fine. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. Youve never used malarky in any prior comment, so I just dont believe you. You really have no idea what child support means. And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Cant thank you enough for your response! Move on already, LW. But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. Remember we are hearing all this second or third hand. It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. The kid has no blame here. But, it would have reduced the chances. The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. The law does, because once the child is here, through no fault of its own, it needs to be supported in order to have a successful life and successful children are in the best interest of all of society. John Rohan So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? John Rohan
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